Van Helsing   
 

Van Helsing: Hugh Jackman

Anna Valerious: Kate Beckinsale

Dracula: Richard Roxburgh

Carl: David Wenham

Frankenstein's Monster: Shuler Hensley

 

Written and Directed by

Stephen Sommers
It's May and the first of the summer blockbusters has arrived.  Let's hope it's not a portent of the future.  Van Helsing is the latest film from the mind of Stephen Sommers, the creator of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns.  And just like those previous outings, this film lacks any original thought or emotional heft and replaces them with mind-numbing technical wizardry that sometimes works and sometimes does not. 

Hugh Jackman stars as Van Helsing, who works for a secret order of the Catholic Church fighting evil.  We get a glimpse of his duty as he vanquishes Mr. Hyde before being assigned to Transylvania.  We get a scene where the church official explains the purpose of his mission, the people he is going to help, and an introduction to Carl.  He provides Van Helsing many gadgets to use, and actually ends up going with him.  The only reason being so that he can provide some comic relief and be a huge help in figuring out some important things about Dracula. 

This will be the first and last scene explaining anything at all about who these people are, what they are doing, and why they are doing it.  Everything else in this movie is just one CGI-laden and special-effects-driven set piece after another.  There are the obligatory "pre-fights" involving Van Helsing and Mr. Hyde, and Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) with a werewolf.  They meet, there's another fight, they become friendly and then they go after Dracula together.

Along their way, they run into problems involving Anna's brother and Frankenstein's monster, but these are really just side plots to add more action to the mix.  Sommers throws in some plot revelations about the characters as the movie progresses, but they are all half-baked ideas that prove that Sommers has no intention of writing a strong movie, but just wants to encourage us to look at all his cool set designs.  He uses swift camera movements and quick zooms to move the audience from one action sequence to another.  It's jarring and disconcerting and leaves the film uninteresting.

Van Helsing is, basically, a very bad imitation of a Bond movie.  Dracula is a one-note character with an interesting accent and a maniacal plan.  Anna is the butt-kicking Bond girl and Carl is the funny sidekick and Q rolled into one.  The villain has evil henchmen and his three brides serve as his right-hand women.  Also, various other colorful characters emerge as friends or enemies.  It is all rather ridiculous.  There is no suspense, there are no chills, there are no frightening moments nor any humorous ones. 

Were it not for Kate Beckinsale walking around in a corset for the whole movie, and one hilarious line from Igor, Van Helsing would have nearly been unbearable.